Don’t worry, this is not a self pity post (or blog for that matter). I’m just trying to understand where the hell I took that wrong turn that led me here, exactly nowhere. I’m 27 1/2 working as a live in nanny and going through college for the second time in my life. Way back when, I was sure that by now I’d be somewhere relatively stable in my life, but no, instead I posses nothing, have no certain future, a job that’s more like a gig, I spend way too much time online hiding behind fictional characters and talking to people I’ve never met and who are at least five years younger than me.
In my sweet dreams, right before I went to college for the first time, by now I’d be about to get married so I could enjoy my married life for a while before having babies before 30 (lowers your chance of breast cancer, they say), I’d be have a stable job and I’d be living in my own house. But absolutely none of that has happened or is even close to happening. So as I get older I wonder, what hell did I do? Where did I go wrong? Is this how it’s supposed to be? And more importantly what the heck do I do now?
Of course, I’ll stay in my lovely state of inertia until I can’t avoid moving forward (or backwards) anymore. It’s so nice and comfortable. But it worries me, because time is passing me by and there are certain things I want to accomplish where time is of the essence.
For now, though, I’ll keep waiting to see and trying to figure out what needs to be fixed, which new turn I need to take to get back on track, even if I need to do some back tracking to get there.
Now, tell me, am I the only one feeling that way? No? Commiserate with me please.