About six years ago I was in this same situation. Wondering what went wrong, what I could do to change and make my life better. I had some sort of epiphany and changed my whole life. I was so miserable then that I got courage from god knows where to leave everything and everyone and start anew somewhere I had never been before.
Now I’m here. It’s been four years. I have not gotten where I wanted to be. I’m tired and I look around and I don’t see myself moving forward. There is no light at the end of this tunnel. I could insist in this and keep living this half mediocre life for maybe a year or two. Or I could risk again, leave everything and everyone and start anew somewhere nobody knows my name.
This is probably one of those cases of ”running is not gonna solve your problems because they’ll follow you’. But I truly feel that this phase of my life has run its course. More and more things keep happening that tell me this is done, things need to change. I need to move or I’ll get left behind eating dust all by myself. However, this time I’m terrified. No matter how much reason tells me I need to move along, my heart doesn’t want to and I’m scared to death of starting again.