Just came home from giving my first speech in my public speaking class. I’ve been killing myself over this and even during class tonight, before we started doing the speeches, I convinced myself that I will simply not survive this class.
But then, time came and I went up there and did and I actually killed it. I didn’t know I had killed it until the professor told me but still…
The thing is, I can do it. I just need to believe myself. And after she told me that I actually felt like I can do this class. Isn’t it amazing how something so simple can change everything?
However it’s not all flower of course. And soon, my confidence started going down again. We were in groups talking about our next speech and that voice in the back of my head kept questioning the quality of my speech. Soon there I was knee deep in insecurity.
It’s amazing how little faith I have in myself and in my ability to do things well. It’s unbelievable how easily I can sabotage my own confidence. I don’t know what the hell was done to me when I was a child but I think I’m onto something here.
But how exactly can I work on this without totally overdoing it? I think I’m gonna need help.